Tommy Wiseau (OU)
| Tommy Wiseau | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Species |
Unknown
|
| Gender |
Male
|
| Vehicles | |
| Enemies |
The Dong Squad
|
| Status |
Deceased
|
| Home Reality | |
Tommy Wiseau was an eccentric vampire-like being who worked as an amateur filmmaker on Earth before he moved to Meme World and became the bearer of the Mask of Loki. Wiseau ruled Meme World with an iron but fair fist until his old friend Jesse Ventura brought the Dong Squad to his domain in search of the Mask. Wiseau wanted to keep the Mask's powers for himself, so he refused to surrender it and fought the Dong Squad to the death.
Description[edit | edit source]
Tommy Wiseau was a member of an unidentified vampiric species who resembled a pale-skinned human man with long, ragged black hair who typically wore black clothes. Wiseau was known for his unidentifiable accent, broken English, and eccentric passion for Earth media and the United States of America in general, which he grew fond of as an adopted homeland despite his temporary imprisonment in Area 51. However, Wiseau's eccentricities hid a darker nature that emerged when he moved to Meme World and claimed the Mask of Loki, an reality-bending artifact that not only allowed Wiseau to replay the favorite moments of his life and immerse himself in fantasies, but also rule over Meme World with an iron fist. When the Dong Squad asked Wiseau to surrender the Mask in service of a higher cause, Wiseau refused and went on a rage-induced rampage that culminated in his own demise.
History[edit | edit source]
Early Life[edit | edit source]
The earliest records of Tommy Wiseau's existence begin on one of the various Earths of the Original Universe when he tried to "make it" in America by selling counterfeit Korean jackets. His illegal operation was eventually discovered by local authorities and he was arrested, but he escaped his cell by transforming into a bat and flying away. The authorities notified paranormal specialists to Wiseau's escape and he was recaptured and imprisoned in Area 51. The United States government classified Wiseau as a "Slavic Vampire, possibly alien" and placed him in a special cell with an intense light emitter that burned him if he did not comply with the wishes of on-site security.[1]
At some time in the Gregorian:1990s/2000s, Wiseau met Jesse Ventura when the latter toured Area 51. Ventura was so disgusted with Wiseau's treatment that he overpowered his armed escort party and freed Wiseau from his cell. Wiseau instantly befriended Ventura and rejuvenated himself by leeching blood from one of the guards Ventura had defeated. A platoon of soldiers then burst into the area and ordered them both to surrender, but Wiseau defiantly tore off one of the guards' heads and drained it of outer moisture, freezing it. Wiseau then threw the frozen head at the others, who shot it and caused it to explode, impaling them with icicles of blood. The surviving guards retreated and called for reinforcements, which left Wiseau and Ventura able to escape from the main complex and into a vehicle hangar. After Wiseau killed the guards in the hangar, he and Ventura stole a Blackbird reconnaissance jet and took to the skies. Wiseau dropped Ventura off somewhere on American soil and bid farewell to his new friend, hoping that they would meet again.[1]
In the years that followed, Wiseau wrote and directed The Room, an independent drama film that gained cult status on Earth.[1]
The Mask of Madness[edit | edit source]
By 150,084 CMT (Gregorian:2015), Wiseau had left Earth for Meme World, a bizarre realm at the edge of the universe that he came to rule over with the power of the Mask of Loki. He used the power of the Mask to imprison Stardust the Super Wizard on Meme World and create a multi-dimensional artificial world based on The Room beneath its surface so that he could continue to play the role of his character from The Room for fun and elope with his fictional fiancée, Lisa.[2]
The Dong Squad later arrived on Meme World in search of the Mask and fell down a rabbit hole that led them to Wiseau's artificial world. Wiseau recognized Jesse Ventura among the squad and welcomed them to his new home,[3] but Ventura did not recognize him in return, so Wiseau telepathically shared his memories of their first meeting in Area 51 with him to remind him. Wiseau then told Ventura that he had made some films since they last met, so he demonstrated the world of The Room to the Dong Squad by playing the role of his character and interacting with his fictional wife, Lisa, in three-dimensional space in front of them.[1] However, the Dong Squad had no interest in The Room, so BONES broke through the illusion and Randolph Moloch[4] and No Image Guy both demanded Wiseau to tell them where the Mask was. Wiseau, upset by the Dongers' demands, asked them to leave. He then went upstairs to spend some "alone time" with his fiancée with the hope that the uninvited guests would leave.[5]
However, Randolph came up with another plan to determine the whereabouts of the Mask. When Wiseau visited The Room's flower shop to buy flowers for his fiancée, he found that all the flowers in the shop had been disposed of and that the only gift left for sale was a strange cat.[5] Wiseau did not want to leave empty-handed, so he took the cat back home to Lisa. Little did he know that his new pet was actually the Shell-Shocked Cat, member of the Dong Squad - until he overheard the cat call Yon and tell him that it had found the location of the Mask. Wiseau snapped when he realized the true nature of the cat and banished the world of The Room to reveal a volcanic battle chamber that contained a large bat-like creature. Wiseau teleported himself onto the creature to use it as a steed as he donned the Mask to fight the Dong Squad.[6]
The Battle for the Mask[edit | edit source]
Wiseau's steed divebombed the Dong Squad, grabbed Pumkin and threw him into One-Punch Man, knocking out both Dongers at once. Billy Mays threw a can of Kaboom at Wiseau, but Wiseau absorbed its energy and knocked Mays into the ground. Wiseau's steed then flapped its wings and created a strong wind that blew the Ayy-Lmaliums and Ainsley Harriott away. Jesse Ventura tried to repel Wiseau's steed with a Bat-Germ and Illuminati repellent spray, but its fumes were so strong that he fell unconscious when he breathed them in. Wiseau then blasted No Image Guy, Ross Mandell, Merasmus, Soldier, and Randolph with energy from the Mask that also knocked them out cold. Yon, BONES, See-Man, and Shrek tried to attack Wiseau and his steed, but he repelled them with an energy shield. Before Wiseau could finish them off, however, LeTrole Rusemann, King Harkinian, Sasha, and the Reddit Alien all appeared to help the Dong Squad and fired their attacks at Wiseau.[7]
As Wiseau and his steed recoiled from the attacks, he noticed light from the Dedotated Wam shine through the outer volcano because the tremors of the battle had activated it. Wiseau directed his steed towards the volcano in order to claim the Wam and use it against the Dong Squad, but a bazooka fired by Tiny the Dwarf blasted Wiseau off his steed and sent him tumbling down the side of the volcano. Meanwhile, Wiseau's steed swallowed both Tiny and the Wam but was destroyed when Tiny used the Wam to kill both the creature and himself.[8]
Wiseau recovered from his fall[8] and used the Mask to teleport the five remaining Dongers; Yon, BONES, Shrek, See-Man, and the Hand, to another reality distortion that resembled San Francisco. Wiseau then started to mock the Dongers, so Shrek ran up to him and punched him in the face. In response, Wiseau generated an "American Gun", a tommy gun with a face, and used it to kill Shrek. Wiseau then turned his gun on the other four, who all ran for cover[9] and narrowly avoided the storm of bullets that followed. Wiseau continued to gloat as he proceeded down the street and fired at See-Man, who hid behind an overturned car as cover and used the few seconds of time he had bought himself to pose the Hand's fingers in a "V"-shape and hurl it back at Wiseau. The Hand's fingers embedded themselves in the eyes of the tommy gun, which screamed and disappeared in a puff of smoke. This distracted Wiseau long enough for See-Man to punch him through a row of chairs. However, when See-Man tried to follow up with a second punch, Wiseau used See-Man's momentum against him to throw him into the horizon.[10] Wiseau then dashed over to Yon and began to beat him, but Yon still refused to accept defeat, so Wiseau killed the Terugan by punching through his eye.[11]
BONES arrived just in time to witness Wiseau kill Yon. Wiseau tried to persuade BONES to give up his hopeless struggle because Wiseau could use the Mask to resurrect BONES's fallen teammates so that they could live in harmony with him on Meme World. BONES agreed, so Wiseau transformed the San Francisco scenery into a scene that resembled mansion grounds and started to gather the remains of the fallen Dongers. Suddenly, the Hand leaped onto Wiseau's face and detonated a bomb that BONES had strapped to it, which obliterated most of Wiseau's upper body and knocked the Mask off his face, transporting them both back to the volcano chamber. BONES grabbed a makeshift torch weapon and shined it on Wiseau in an attempt to burn him, but Wiseau shapeshifted wings, slammed into BONES, and broke it. Wiseau then retrieved the Mask and donned it once more so that it could heal him while he generated more weapons to fight BONES with on the side of the volcano.[11] Wiseau threw bombs at BONES and severed the skeleton's right arm with a giant mallet, but BONES simply used the severed arm as another weapon to slap Wiseau with. BONES then made another grab for the Mask[12] and embedded his fingers in Wiseau's head, but Wiseau expelled them with his power of blood control and continued to struggle against BONES.[13]
Death[edit | edit source]
- "You killed my friends. You thought you had won. But Death always comes. And there shall always be the dance."
- ―BONES's final message to Wiseau[13]
BONES gave Wiseau one last chance to surrender the Mask, but Wiseau refused, so BONES performed the Dance of Death in a final effort to defeat Wiseau. Because the nature of the dance was something that even the Mask could not comprehend, it was unable to save Wiseau as the dance reduced what was left of his body to rock and dust.[13] The surviving members of the Dong Squad then started to regain consciousness and stepped over Wiseau's remains to help the badly-damaged BONES retrieve the fallen Mask.[14]
Because Wiseau's death severed his connection to the Mask, the virtual prison that Wiseau had trapped Stardust in collapsed at the moment of Wiseau's death. Stardust then returned to Meme World to dispense his particular brand of "justice" on the Heckler and the Heller.[15][16]
Tommy Wiseau was not given a proper funeral by the inhabitants of Meme World because he was unpopular as their ruler and they had not understood or appreciated his strange antics or much of the references he had made to cult classic Earth films and TV shows.[16]
Abilities & Powers[edit | edit source]
Tommy Wiseau had a wide range of vampire-like abilities that were presumably endemic to his species. These included:
- Blood Consumption: Wiseau could recover strength and stamina by leeching blood with extra claw-like appendages that sprouted from his fingers.[1]
- Blood Control: Wiseau could manipulate the flow of his own blood to force foreign objects, such as BONES's detached fingers, out of his skull.[13]
- Bat Mimicry: Wiseau could transform into the form of a small bat. He once used this ability to escape from a prison cell on Earth.[1]
- Flight: Wiseau had a large pair of black wings mounted on his back that he could use to fly; but it is unclear whether these wings were a natural part of his physiology or a result of shapeshifting.[11]
- Light Vulnerability: Like most traditional depictions of vampires, Wiseau was more vulnerable to light than other beings and could be easily burned when exposed to intense light.[11]
- Moisture Absorption: Wiseau once demonstrated the ability to drain moisture from a decapitated head and freeze it, which turned it into a makeshift "bomb" that, when shattered, shot icicles of blood out of it to impale enemies.[1]
Wiseau also had access to all the powers of the Mask of Loki when he was wearing it.
