The Heller
| The Heller | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Species |
Unknown
|
| Gender |
Male
|
| Family |
Brother: The Heckler
|
| Weapons |
A 3D CGI knife
|
| Status |
Alive
|
| Home Reality | |
This article is about the mischievous and foul-mouthed brother of the Heckler. For the human businessman of the same name, see Joseph Heller.
The Heller was the mischievous and foul-mouthed brother of the Heckler.
Description[edit | edit source]
The Heller resembled a 3-dimensional computer-generated emoticon with an undefined expression that changed with his mood. The Heller was colored bright red with two small white horns atop his head, eyebrows above round white eyes with dark pupils, and a mouth with large square-shaped teeth. The Heller did not have arms or legs, merely hands that resembled white gloves and feet that resembled casual shoes. These hands and feet floated a short distance away from the center of his form, but were positioned where his hands and feet would be in proportion to his body. He was also quite short, standing up to around the height of an average humanoid's waistline.
Unlike his brother the Heckler, the Heller exuded hecks and strove to be annoying and offensive as possible. He took great pleasure in inserting copious amounts of swear words into his speech and causing chaos and frustration wherever he went, openly disregarding figures of authority such as Mephistroth and Stardust the Super Wizard. Despite his mischievous outward persona, however, the Heller could easily become enraged if his own tactics were used against him.
History[edit | edit source]
The Heller's Guide to Hell[edit | edit source]
In 150,084 CMT, the Heller was first seen shouting expletives in Hell[1] in close proximity to Bel, the Prime Consort of Mephistroth, and Niflheim, an amphibious humanoid who claimed that he had arrived in the realm by accident and asked for Bel's assistance to leave. Bel ordered the Heller to be silent as she decided what to do with Niflheim,[2] but he continued to swear and curse in front of them,[3] so Bel assumed that the Heller was a mere Lemure whose brain had only partially formed and ignored him in favor of taking Niflheim to Mephistroth's citadel.[4] However, the Heller followed them inside and continued to bother them by trying to punch Nif.[5] This was met with a swift response by Bel, who stabbed her fiery spear into the Heller, leaving a gaping, burning hole in the centre of his form.[6] The Heller jeered "Heh... nothin' personnel, but your aim SUKS! LIKE LIFE!" as he began to fade away.[7]
However, the Heller phased back into existence unharmed at the same time that the Users modified the "word filter" of the BZPB Multiverse. The Heller concluded that this change meant that he could be as edgy as possible without his dialogue being censored beyond the fourth wall. He began to celebrate this victory by swearing loudly, but stopped when he sensed that his own personal dialogue was still being censored because it was still too edgy to be acceptable, which prompted him to swear even more in frustration.[8] The Heller then followed Nif, Bel, and Mephistroth to the exit portals,[9] where Bel noticed him and slashed at him with her spear. As the Heller tried to dodge Bel's attacks, Mephistroth grabbed him and slammed him into the ground, but the Heller recovered and ran around the room, knocking over some pillars in his attempt to escape. In the ensuing chaos, Nif tripped over the diminutive Heller and fell into one of the portals as Bel's spear whizzed past his head. The Heller chuckled and jumped into the same portal as Nif, flipping off Bel and Mephistroth in the process.[10]
An Awkward Reunion[edit | edit source]
As the Heller and Nif emerged from the portal on Meme World, the Heller came face-to-face with his estranged brother: the Heckler. The blazing hatred that the Heller felt for his brother enabled him to break through the BZPB Multiverse's word filter and swear passionately as he pulled out a 3D CGI knife and lunged at the Heckler. However, Nif tripped the Heller over in revenge and returned through the portal in search of somewhere more useful to his goals. The Heckler then disarmed the Heller and warned him not to give so many hecks, or he would attract the attention of "the ruler that got caged up by Tommy Wiseau". The Heller was pleased to learn that Wiseau had been disposed of because that meant that he could take the Mask of Loki for himself, but the Heckler divulged that it had already been stolen by "people from somewhere else" and that the Heller would be punished for his heck-filled lifestyle. As the Heller asked "By who?", a bolt of multicolored lightning struck the ground in front of them and Stardust the Super Wizard stepped forth, announcing "YOU ARE NOW IN THE POWER OF STARDUST".[10]
Stardust proceeded to judge the Heller for his crimes and settled on a suitably ironic fate for the foul-mouthed smilie: an "obedience ray" that commanded him to no longer swear, insult, or belittle others, and to help people in need whenever it was possible for him to do so. In addition, the ray also trapped the Heller on Meme World forever. The Heller began to panic as he realized that he could no longer swear, but was powerless to prevent the infliction of that and one final punishment: a "secret ray" that showed the Heller all of the evils he had committed in his life, permanently overlayed on his vision. The combined trauma of Stardust's punishments caused the Heller to collapse on the ground and writhe in pain as he began to have a mental breakdown.[11]
The Mazkertis Paradox[edit | edit source]
As the Heckler battled Stardust on his own, the Heller came to a realization that he had to set aside his desire to be edgy and join forces with his brother in order to defeat Stardust. In addition, the Heller realized that there were already enough 'mortal enemy' duos in the universe, such as Boltman and Moonman, and Hide the Pain Harold and Bring the Pain Barry (who, unbeknownst the Heller, had teleported to another universe at the time). Though such an idea was against everything he stood for, the Heller asked the Heckler to merge with him so that their powers would be combined against Stardust. As the Heckler agreed, the two brothers merged into a being so devoid of all hecks it seemed like he was edgy and different, but in reality, he emitted less hecks than all before him: the Heckumvirate.[12] Stardust attempted to use molecular rays to disassemble the Heckumvirate, but he was unharmed because he shared the Heckler's immunity to hecks. Instead, the Heckumvirate ended the battle by crushing Stardust's form into plasma, which had the added effect of freeing the Heller from the effects of Stardust's rays.[13]
Next, the Heckumvirate opened a portal to Hell and entered it, emerging on top of a conference table in Mephistroth's fortress. Mephistroth was frustrated because his conference had already been gatecrashed by Chad, but his frustration turned to abject rage when the Heckumvirate split back into his component beings and he noticed that one of them was the Heller. As the Heller celebrated his freedom from Stardust's rays, Chad asked him who he was, to which the Heller replied "Why don’t you ask your HS crush?". Chad screamed and tackled the Heller because he felt that his catchphrase had been stolen, rolling around the conference table in full view of the gathered demon generals. The Heckler decided that there were "too many hecks" for him there and left through the same portal he had arrived through. Moments later, Mephistroth grabbed both Chad and the Heller and hurled them through the same portal with all his strength, shouting at them to stay out of Hell.[14]
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ BZPB #17025 (Oct 11, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17028 (Oct 12, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17029 (Oct 13, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17038 (Oct 15, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17044 (Oct 17, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17052 (Oct 18, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17053 (Oct 18, 2014)
- ↑ BZPB #17415 (Feb 11, 2015)
- ↑ BZPB #17467 (Feb 26, 2015)
- ↑ 10.0 10.1 BZPB #17469 (Feb 27, 2015)
- ↑ BZPB #17485 (Mar 04, 2015)
- ↑ The Mazkertis Paradox | Chapter 8: The Enemy of My Enemy...
- ↑ The Mazkertis Paradox | Chapter 9: ...Is Not My Friend.
- ↑ The Mazkertis Paradox | Chapter 12: Breakout
