Chapter 7: Zugunruhe
| The Mazkertis Paradox Chapter 7: Zugunruhe | |
|---|---|
| Chapter Navigation | |
| ← Chapter 6: Maskirovka | |
| Chapter Information | |
| Author |
Kon
|
| Word Count |
8561
|
| Date Published |
August 4, 2015
|
Zugunruhe is the seventh chapter of The Mazkertis Paradox. In this chapter:
- The Dong Squad and Wang Gang leave Meme World with the help of Kevin Douglas.
- Inspired by the successes of the Dong Squad, Ade recruits her own "meme team" to help her turn the tide in the Terugan Civil War.
- Boltman and the YONBOTS land on Dekan and do battle with Peacock and Double.
- Genetoes returns to the universe and awakens his master, Eclipse, telling him that they are "needed again".
- One week later, Boltman kills the Commander-in-Chief of the Galactic Government, Kong.
Plot[edit | edit source]
On Day 4, the Dong Squad remain stranded on Meme World, unable to leave because an unknown characteristic of the realm has drained their spaceship of all of its power. With no other way to contact Lord Zrintch for assistance, Randolph Moloch accesses Reddit via the Reddit Alien and posts a request to be put into contact with Lord Zrintch on a subreddit called /r/grinchmeetups. One of the community's members who knows the Sith lord serves as an intermediary, delivering the news that Zrintch has dispatched a Cooperative mobile workstation full of tools and raw materials to help the Dong Squad repair their ship. The Dong Squad are relieved to hear this news, though Soldier is quick to assault the Reddit Alien for "spreading cancer" via Reddit.
A group of Meme World inhabitants consisting of Hungry-man, Bill Wilson, Car Guard, the Cataractor, the Fresh Prince of Fresh Fruit, the Guy Who Was Engulfed In Milk, Patrick Bateman, and TTT then arrives in the Dong Squad's ship. One of the Dong Squad's Ayy-Lmalium allies explains that this group will be Lord Zrintch's second strike team, the Wang Gang, led by Hungry-man, who will undertake similar missions to the Dong Squad elsewhere in the universe towards the same goal.
When the pilot of the workstation hails the Dong Squad's ship, Jesse Ventura and Car Guard recognize him as Kevin Douglas, the former Vice-Warden of Supermax 429. Ventura explains that Douglas had fled his job when a prisoner named CrackJag caused a string of murders inside the prison, leaving Ventura to take the fall for the disaster. In an attempt to determine Douglas's whereabouts, Ventura had called in a favor with Mark Zuckerberg to check Douglas's Facebook profile, but when Zuckerberg saw that Douglas had violated Facebook's terms of service by posting pictures of himself partying with half-naked women, he immediately banned Douglas's account, providing Ventura with no further information. Douglas sheepishly corroborates Ventura's recollection of events, but expresses a wish to become friends again.
Elsewhere on Meme World, Ade, the captain of the Terugan vessel TSS Jet-Ball II (another ship that had previously crashed on the planet), negotiates with Kartouche to secure the matter converter that had previously served as the power source of Hungry-man's flying log cabin, which Kartouche and the other crash survivors have since disassembled and scavenged for parts. Ade believes that her Terugan crewmates can install the matter converter into the Jet-Ball II to power it up and take them home, but Kartouche wants payment in return.
Once Douglas parks the mobile workstation next to the Dong Squad's ship, the Ayy-Lmaliums immediately get to work on repairs, using the workstation's materials to build and power up a new communications array on the ship. However, although the communications array is functional, it becomes clear that it may still take a long time for the Dong Squad to send and receive messages with it, accounting for the immense distance between Meme World and Cooperative space. Frustrated, Ventura retrieves the Dedotated Wam, an artifact recovered on the Dong Squad's previous mission that can supercharge any technology, and splits it in two, stuffing one half into the communications array and the other half into the ship's engines. A few hours later, the Dong Squad receive a message from Lord Zrintch informing them of their next assignment: to steal the Keruvim from Vizima, a planet not too far from their present location. The Dong Squad and Wang Gang are instructed to work together for this mission, as the Keruvim is of vital importance to Zrintch.
Although Ventura is not ready to forgive Douglas for abandoning him at Supermax 429, he thanks him for enabling the Dong Squad to leave Meme World, and Douglas leaves with the mobile workstation. Ventura then meets Ade, who tells him about her predicament. When the two bond over Yon's death, Ventura writes Ade a cheque that enables her to buy the matter converter from Kartouche. After the Jet-Ball II's engineers install the converter in their ship as a replacement engine, Ade offers many other characters on Meme World the chance to go with her to Teruga Prime and overthrow the ZFT, inspired by the Dong Squad's successes. Bane and his men, Buttman, Caged Gorilla, Caged Pills, Confused Man, Full-man, Hassan-ill-Sabah, a HYDRA mook, Kartouche and his bodyguards, Sniper, and Space Ryan Gosling all accept the offer.
In another part of the universe, Boltman and his YONBOTS investigate the planet Dekan for anime. Though they do not find anime, Boltman finds a ship trapped in a time bubble instead. When he destroys the time bubble generator that sustains it, the inhabitants of the ship (a cyborg girl named Peacock and a nun named Double), become unfrozen and challenge Boltman to a fight. Boltman responds by blowing Peacock's head off with a bolt of lightning, causing Double to retaliate by transforming into a floating mass of flesh and limbs. Boltman engages in battle with Double, but his YONBOTS are unable to help him because it seems to them as if Double has only one eye (a characteristic shared by their creator, Yon). When Boltman tears off part of Double's clothing, revealing a mass of eyes on her midsection, the YONBOTS spring to life and slay Double with their eyebeams. Boltman congratulates his minions on their victory and outfits them with weapons they find aboard Double and Peacock's ship. Once finished, Boltman and the YONBOTS leave the planet, destroying the ship behind them.
Elsewhere in space, Genetoes emerges from a portal next to the hibernating Eclipse and awakens him, saying that they are needed again.
One week after the previous events, Commander-in-Chief Kong of the Galactic Government is found dead in his office, with one of Boltman's steel lightning bolts embedded in his back. The news report of Kong's death is watched by Moonman, who prepares to confront Boltman.
Characters[edit | edit source]
- The Dong Squad:
- The Wang Gang:
- Ade Jitter
- Bane
- Barsad
- Boltman
- Caged Gorilla
- Caged Pills
- Dolan
- Double
- Eclipse
- Full-man
- Genetoes
- Hassan-ill-Sabbah
- James
- Juan Avem
- Kartouche
- King Harkinian
- Klaus
- Kong
- Kurt Lutz
- Matt Parkman
- Moonman
- Mr. Blobby
- Neil Matheson
- Peacock
- Pootisman
- The Reddit Alien
- Sasha
- Sniper
- Space Ryan Gosling
- The YONBOTS
- Lord Zrintch
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Zugunruhe is a German word that refers to restless behavior in animals that are eager to migrate. Its usage as the title of this chapter refers to the eagerness of the Dong Squad and Ade to leave Meme World and return to their proper places in the universe.
External Links[edit | edit source]
