Punished Shrek

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Punished Shrek
Punished Shrek.jpg
Formal Name
Shrek
Species
Gender
Male
Weapons
  • Onionades/onion bombs
  • Ogre Minigun
Allies
Enemies
Factions
Status
Deceased
 Home Reality 
"I've felt pain all throughout my life. Do you truly think I will cower from it now?!"
Punished Shrek to Jesse Ventura[1]

In the Dark Mirror Universe, "Punished" Shrek was the leader of the Pennis And Also Dicke And Balls Bureau.

Description[edit | edit source]

Punished Shrek was a battle-hardened ogre with an eyepatch, numerous facial scars, and a robotic arm. Unlike his OU counterpart, Punished Shrek did not eat many onions and had good dental hygiene. He described his life as "[filled with] pain" and had experienced numerous tragedies that had led to him becoming "Punished", but he remained a strong leader and an even stronger fighter. He was utterly loyal to Lord Zrintch and had no qualms with being ordered to kill allies who he had fought alongside such as the Dong Squad. His traitorous qualities became more evident when he tried to bargain for his life in front of Jesse Ventura, to no avail.[1]

History[edit | edit source]

As a child, Shrek was told stories about Mazkertis's first attempt to rewrite the timeline of the Dark Mirror Universe.[1]

Shrek eventually became the leader of the Pennis And Also Dicke And Balls Bureau, the first strike team ever formed by Lord Zrintch. When the PAADABB member Coach was approached by human strangers who asked him to help them fight an apocalypse on another world, Punished Shrek took a sample of Coach's DNA so that the PAADABB could clone him if he failed to return. Punished Shrek kept this sample in the Panus and Asenis lab.[1]

In 150,084 CMT (Day 69 of The Mazkertis Paradox arc), the Dong Squad crash-landed on the PAADABB's homeworld and immediately came into conflict with the rogue frog-wizard Kek. The PAADABB interrupted the battle when Punished Shrek threw an onion bomb at Kek and ordered him to leave the planet, threatening him with the entire PAADABB at once. Once Kek had admitted defeat and teleported away, Punished Shrek introduced himself and his team to the Dong Squad and learned that Zrintch had apparently sent them to enlist the PAADABB in the war against Mazkertis. The PAADABB then took the Dongers back to the Panus and Asenis base to relax and recover from their most recent battle while Punished Shrek, DM Alex Jones, Jesse Ventura, and BONES talked at length about battle strategies and the threat that Mazkertis posed to both their universes' timelines.[1]

Jesse Ventura then offered to have the Dong Squad help the PAADABB to kill Kek in return for the PAADABB's eventual help against Mazkertis. Punished Shrek readily accepted Ventura's offer because Kek had been a thorn in his side for several months, so both the Dongers and PAADABBers mobilized and ventured out into the destitute city in search of the crazed former frog. The battle began when Kek appeared and attacked them, but the PAADABB did not meet with much success until Punished Shrek noticed that DM Soldier's long-ranged, combined attacks were doing more damage than the other's individual attacks. Punished Shrek ordered his men to follow suit and used his Ogre Minigun to fire multiple rounds of weaponized onionium into Kek's form. The combined attacks of the Dongers and PAADABBers soon overwhelmed Kek, who was finished off with a stab to the chest from DM D-Reezy. Punished Shrek took a moment to lament the death of Kermit, once a wonderful creature that brought joy to children all over the universe, before returning to Panus and Asenis with the others.[1]

Back at Panus and Asenis, Punished Shrek and the PAADABB (minus Hugh Neutron and Joey) entered a secret room and contacted Lord Zrintch to inform him of the death of Kek. Zrintch congratulated the PAADABB and revealed the reasons he had turned Kermit to the Dark Side in the first place: to test the PAADABB and 'have some fun' with their universe in his absence. Zrintch added that he had hoped that Kek would have slain the Dong Squad, an element of his plan that he no longer had use for, but because that had not happened, it was now up to the PAADABB to clean up the mess. Punished Shrek smiled and accepted his new orders without question.[1]

However, DM Alex Jones informed Jesse Ventura that the PAADABB planned to betray and wipe out the Dong Squad, which led to a premature confrontation between Ventura and Punished Shrek. As the two teams came to blows, Punished Shrek threw an onionade that tore through BONES's armor and proceeded to punch both No Image Guy and Ross Mandell to the ground. Joey then took Punished Shrek by surprise and tackled him, but Punished Shrek managed to push the mutant off and regained his footing. The next Donger to challenge Punished Shrek was Randolph Moloch, who used magic to disable both Punished Shrek's legs and tear off his cybernetic arm. Refusing to submit, Punished Shrek tried to crawl across the floor to safety with his last functioning limb, but was intercepted by Jesse Ventura before he could escape. Punished Shrek laughed at Ventura, saying that there was nothing he could do to stop Zrintch and Mazkertis's plans, before attempting to bargain for his life by offering a partnership. However, Ventura rejected the offer and opened fire with his shotgun, killing Punished Shrek.[1]

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Punished Shrek was based on the character of Shrek. The "Punished" aspect of the character refers to Metal Gear Solid character Punished Snake.

References[edit | edit source]