Bill Wilson

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Bill Wilson
His parents, FBI and NSA
USP Compact pistol
The Wang Gang
Home Reality

Bill Wilson, better known as CIA or just the "CIA Guy", is a human man from Earth. He was allegedly an operative of the Central Intelligence Agency who was sent into space to gather intelligence on various members of the galactic community. These members included Bane, Lalli Cain and even the Pirate Lords of Liquid-Metallicon before Wilson went AWOL. After going on several misadventures with Kranxx and some other joke characters, Wilson decided to put his skills to use by joining the Wang Gang.


I'm CIA.[edit]

Wilson comes from a long line of members of the US Intelligence Community. Since he was a child, he wanted to be a big spy for the agency.

His dreams were soon realized, and he became an undercover operative. Eventually, he was assigned to oversee the transfer of Dr. Pavel and three hooded prisoners into CIA custody in Uzbekistan. However, the local militia handing the prisoners over were actually mercenaries working for Bane, who himself had taken on the role of one of the prisoners. Bane's plan was to find out how much Pavel had told CIA about his crime ring, and then crash the plane with no survivors, faking Dr. Pavel's death in the process. While Bane succeeded in crashing CIA's plane with another plane of his own, CIA survived the assassination attempt with a parachute. He landed in the Uzbekistani wilderness and vowed revenge on Bane for crashing his plane and killing his friends.

To help himself become as strong as the Big Guy for their next confrontation, CIA equipped himself with cybernetic upgrades and disguised himself as a Manhunter. He tracked Bane down and blew up the entire mountain range that he had been sighted on, hoping it would kill him. Unfortunately, this was not the case, and Bane continued operating, completely unknown to CIA.


Several years later, the CIA sent Wilson into space to investigate the Pirate Lords of Liquid-Metallicon. He was incredibly nervous, and introduced himself as "CIA" to Pirate Lord Ozar. This immediately blew his cover, but Ozar pretended that he was unaware of CIA's true affiliation.

For months, Bill begged the Pirate Lord to let him go on a mission to capture "big guys". He knew that this would be quite the feather in his cap, and that he would surely get a promotion to get him closer to the Pirate Lords. Ozar caved in, and sent Wilson after Lalli Cain to test the mercenary. Cain's trail led him to Malchior IV, where he allied himself with TTT in order to find information that would lead him to Cain. When TTT bumped into Kranxx and Car Guard, he somehow knew that the latter had met Cain before, so TTT convinced him to drive to the airport, where Bill would be waiting for them. Bill introduced himself as "CIA" to Kranxx yet again, and also mistakenly called him a doctor before putting him on his plane with some sack-wearing figures and TTT. During the flight, Bill became agitated, and threatened to throw them out of the plane one by one unless they started talking about Lalli Cain. In a surprising turn of events, one of the hooded figures was revealed to be Lalli Cain himself. Before Bill could get any answers out of him however, Cain grew bored and decided to shoot the pilot, so that he could escape with his jetpack and leave Bill to crash. Bill was punched by Cain, and observed him take off from the hatch while carrying both Kranxx and TTT with him.

Being in charge[edit]

Remarkably, Bill survived the plane crash with not a scratch on him, which is when he started to suspect that he might be something more than human. His companions survived also, but they all bore minor bruises or injuries. Bill realized that Cain could not have gone far, due to the limited fuel reserves of his jetpack, so he left the crash site to look for the mercenary alone. While wandering the streets of Malchior IV near the airport, Bill saw Kranxx, TTT and the Car Guard who delivered them all having a conversation, so he listened in. They were talking about wishing to attend Kartouche's concert on Tybion, something which Bill realized he needed to do to relax as well, so he took a cab to the spaceport. When he got there, he tried to bypass the queue by brandishing his CIA status, but security wasn't having any of it and he was sent to the back of the line. Meanwhile in the same spaceport, Goldenn Flame caused a car to explode to distract everyone while he, Kranxx and co. stole a spaceship. Bill saw their plan, and delayed some real CIA agents from reaching them by waving his pistol around. Once that was done, he ran aboard the same ship, and the motley crew set off for Tybion.

Not flying so good[edit]

After some time, the ship crashed just outside the field the concert was taking place in, where they met Patrick Bateman. Together, they attended the concert, and CIA stuck around even though he found that it was not quite his tempo. Towards the end of it, a Ta'har army attacked, furious that such an event was allowed to take place on their homeworld and driving the joke characters into Hungry-man's floating log cabin. The Ta'har followed them there, and the Battle of the Log Cabin began. Wilson fought bravely during the battle with his USP Compact pistol and take-charge mentality. After the battle, he uncovered a Hothead plan to kill him before throwing him out of a plane, so he showed them just as much of a big guy he really was. Unfortunately, the hotheads sabotaged the cabin's engines, causing it to crash into Meme World. One of the hotheads' grenades blew a hole in the wall, causing CIA to get sucked out of the de-pressurized hole, leading him to discover that the answer to the age-old question of "Why would someone shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane" is "Someone who can survive plane crashes with ease". Much later, when he heard that the Ayy-Lmaliums there were recruiting big guys to form a heroic strike team, Wilson grabbed his belt and signed up. He left the planet with them soon after.

Abilities & Powers[edit]

  • CIA Guy has the unique ability to survive plane and spaceship crashes with little to no injuries. This suggests that he is either some kind of mutant, or not a human at all.
  • Bill Wilson has a lot of eccentricities. He enjoys filing plans with whatever organization he is working for, and likes asking if others have a master plan. He also has a fixation on becoming a "bigger guy".

See Also[edit]