Bike Saga

You brought this war to me, I'll have to fix it. The Bike Saga was a series of events that centered around Boris Johnson's bike being stolen by other famous political figures.

It made no sense at all, and was probably the craziest BZPB has been in a while, if ever.

Participants
Boris Johnson ➝ David Cameron ➝ Barack Obama ➝ Angela Merkel ➝ Vladimir Putin ➝ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ➝ Benjamin Netanyahu ➝ Bronislaw Komorowski ➝ Donald Tusk ➝ Grzegorz Schetyna ➝ Mariano Rajoy ➝ Jaroslaw Kaczynski ➝ Zbigniew Ziobro ➝ Janusz Palikot ➝ John Boehner ➝ Harry Reid ➝ Hugo Chavez ➝ Ron Paul ➝ Leszek Miller ➝ Waldemar Pawlak ➝ Sonia Gandhi ➝ Gabe Newell ➝ Lech Walesa ➝ Wojciech Jaruzelski ➝ Rick Santorum ➝ Dan Savage ➝ Nancy Pelosi ➝ Tony Blair.

Details
Following their adventure on Tatooine, Seran Dol-Abi used his starfighter to drop Boris Johnson off at Atuar Sadiares. Once aboard the station, the lovable oaf immediately hopped on a bike that wasn't there before and happily cycled away.

His happiness was short-lived, however, as David Cameron walked up to him and pushed him off his bike. A Navy SEAL appeared on Boris's behalf and tackled Cameron, but Cameron escaped by kidnapping himself back to the House of Commons and slamming the door in the Navy SEAL's face. Barack Obama began preparing a statement to apologize for the Navy SEAL's actions.

While everyone was distracted, Angela Merkel grabbed Boris's bike, loaded it into Seran's starfighter, and stole it, flying away and laughing. For a while, it seemed like she was victorious... until she discovered that the bike had mysteriously disappeared from the cargo hold. When she looked out the window, she saw Vladimir Putin cycling away through space. However, the Russian president's victory celebrations were cut short by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who swept by and stole the bike with his own ship.

Inside the Iranian ship, Ahmadinejad met with the Ayatollah and gave them the bike. Suddenly, Benjamin Netanyahu burst through the door, grabbed the bike, and loaded it into his Millennium Falcon. Putin began following Netanyahu's ship by swimming through space.

Just when Netanyahu thought he'd gotten away with it, Bronislaw Komorowski appeared and took the bike. However, Donald Tusk appeared at the same time, and they began to fight over it. Grzegorz Schetyna used the confusion to grab the bike and teleport away. Mariano Rajoy followed Schetyna's teleportation signal, grabbed the bike and teleported to Atuar Sadiares, where it all began. Rajoy decided to see what all the fuss was about by mounting the bike and riding it, but he didn't get very far before Jaroslaw Kaczynski kicked him off. He tried to take it, but Zbigniew Ziobro appeared and fought him for it while a random priest cheered them on. Janusz Palikot took advantage of the chaos to teleport away with the bike unnoticed...

...or so he thought. John Boehner kicked Palikot off the bike and rode it to the Capitol Building in Washington DC. The Republican Party cheered him on, until Senator Harry Reid kicked him off the bike and ran away on a donkey (this would make him the first person in ages who didn't actually want to steal the bike). However, the status quo returned when Hugo Chavez stole the bike and rode away on it.

It was then that Ron Paul saw his chance to shine. He got on a nearby motorbike and pursued Chavez, but before he could catch up to him, Leszek Miller kicked Chavez off the bike. The Venezuelan president tumbled into Ron Paul, knocking them both out of the race. Miller was free to grab the bike, but before he could, someone played a sensitive tape that made him run away crying. Instead, Waldemar Pawlak took the bike and teleported away.

To everyone's surprised, Donald Tusk reappeared, bruised after his fight with Bronislaw Komorowski. He used their coalition agreement to take the bike from Pawlak, to Pawlak's dismay. Sonia Gandhi made her entry by snatching the bike and riding away, but then Putin returned and took it from her. Meanwhile, Angela Merkel, Nicolas Sarkozy, and David Cameron made history by forming an alliance to get the bike.

Putin was able to cycle without incident for a while, until he saw Boris Johnson ahead of him. He swore at Boris, but was unable to stop the Mayor of London from getting his revenge. Boris forcibly took his bike back and rode away while the other world leaders chased him. More Navy SEALs appeared to protect Boris by throwing themselves at his pursuers. Boris looked back and laughed at the commotion behind him, but he really should have been focusing on the road, because Gabe Newell seized the opportunity to push Boris off his bike and take it for himself. An infuriated Boris finally activated his bike's self-destruct button, blowing Gaben away and ending the cycle...

...until Boris got another bike, then the cycle began again. Gaben stole the bike again, but this time, he was tackled by Putin. Lech Walesa took the bike while they were wrestling each other. When Gaben realized what had happened to the bike, he activated ValveTime™ to delay Walesa's escape. Because of this, Wojciech Jaruzelski was able to catch up to the bike and take it for himself, but it wasn't long before Walesa kicked him into Putin. Rick Santorum grabbed the bike before Walesa could, and he rode away.

Suddenly, Dan Savage insulted Santorum as he rode past. Upon hearing this, Santorum threw his bike at Savage without realizing that doing so would actually give the bike away. Savage dodged the bike, allowing Nancy Pelosi to catch it. She tried to make her escape, but was prevented in doing so by Tony Blair. Blair grabbed the bike and disappeared, ending the saga for good.

Meanwhile, Boris Johnson swore to himself that he would do unspeakable things to whoever would steal his bike again. This is probably how he ended up in Supermax 282.