Dong Squad

The Dong Squad is a strike team formed and owned by The Cooperative with the purpose of hunting down and collecting certain artifacts of power for Lord Zrintch. The team consists almost entirely of joke characters because Zrintch believed that, if weaponized, a team of joke characters working together could become a force to be reckoned with. Judging by their current successes, he appears to be correct.

The Dong Squad was originally assembled from residents of the Stouttish Islands by BONES, who was acting on Zrintch's orders. Yon served as the leader of the team throughout its first two missions, but was declared deceased when the team saw him perish in an alternate reality generated by Tommy Wiseau's usage of The Mask during their mission on Meme World. Since then, the Dong Squad has been led by Jesse Ventura.

The team is under the impression that Lord Zrintch needs the artifacts they collect to stop some terrible cataclysm from ocurring in the near future. However, the opposite is true: Zrintch actually intends to use the Dong Squad's prizes to further his goal of altering the timeline of the Original Universe with Mazkertis. Thus, the Dong Squad are unwittingly working against the factions opposed to Mazkertis.

So far, the team has secured the Travel Glove, the Dedotated Wam, The Mask, and the Keruvim for Lord Zrintch - all dangerous objects in their own right, but devastating when put together.

First Mission: Teruga Prime
Once the team was assembled, and Yon was chosen to lead it, the team was flown to Teruga Prime. On the way, BONES explained to the team that their first mission would be to kill Vok and claim his Travel Glove, as it would be very important in the events to come. BONES pointed out that he would probably be in a city underneath the Spire of Conquest, and that the team were to enter that city via a hidden cave entrance under the ammonia sea. Meanwhile, Zrintch and his fleet were to attack the ZFT bases on the surface and incite a civil war on the planet. They travelled into the undersea cave while sat in Pumkin, who swam to it. Once on dry land inside the cave, they bailed out and proceeded into the city through a door that Yon kicked open. After they located the prison, Demopan and Billy Mays distracted the guards at the front entrance while the others sneaked in. They wasted no time in fighting their way through the complex once inside, with No Image Guy turning into a flying computer virus and forcing the prison's system to all the doors leading to Vok.

The Dongers, minus Demopan and Billy Mays, took care of the guards and confronted Vok while Demopan and Mays planted explosives at vulnerable parts of the Spire of Conquest. No Image Guy used his power of digitization to make a ZFT soldier, Jeff, believe that David Robert Jones was commanding him to kill Vok. Tricked by the illusion, Jeff pulled the trigger on the Terugan president, ending his reign for good. The rest of the team made it to the extraction zone, but because Demopan and Mays were lagging behind, the only way for one of them to reach the Dongers' ship was through the use of Vok's Travel Glove. Billy Mays revealed to Demopan that he was dying of super flaming cancer AIDs, but Demopan saved him by using the Travel Glove to extract the cancer cells from Mays's body. Demopan then put the Travel Glove on Mays's hand, and it launched him towards the Dongers' ship. The Dongers managed to escape just before the Spire of Conquest exploded. Vok's murder was recorded via security cameras and broadcasted throughout the city, causing the Terugan people to start a full-blown revolution against the ZFT. Their mission complete, the Dongers left Teruga Prime, while mourning the loss of Demopan.

However, the ZFT retaliated in full force. A squadron of ships launched from the planet in pursuit of the Dongers. One of these ships was the TSS Jet-Ball II, a ship with a majority Terugan crew who hoped to become part of the resistance, but were unable to as long as they had ZFT soldiers pressing guns to their backs. Because the Jet-Ball II was giving the Dongers' ship considerable grief, Yon decided to do something about it. Merasmus moved Yon onto the enemy ship with a teleportation spell, allowing him to take out the guards with his pistol and eyebeams. After freeing the Terugan crew, he came up with a plan to eject and detonate their ship's warp core, which would obliterate the rest of the enemy ships behind them. The captain of the Jet-Ball II, Ade, agreed, and the warp core was ejected. Yon detonated it with an eyebeam and the rest of the ZFT ships were destroyed as Yon had promised. Because their ship was immobile without a warp core, The Dongers took the core-less Jet-Ball II into their own hangar as well as its crew, with the promise that they would drop them off at the nearest civilized planet.