Steven Pinker

No... sharing is a concept foreign to them. They'll keep the best booty to themselves. They are without a doubt some of the most cunning, primal and selfish people humanity has to offer... in that respect, they rather remind me of myself. Steven Pinker was once a renowned sociologist who was chosen by the people of Earth to represent them in a meeting between them and the people of another world. However, during the meeting he was possessed by a YOURMUM parasite which caused him to attack them, resulting in the negotiations being broken off and his own imprisonment. During his time in prison, he bonded further with the parasite, which transformed him from mild-mannered thinker to ass-crazed Pinker. After seemingly escaping from the prison via the use of a displacer cannon, Pinker now finds himself caught in a battle between two bizarre factions: the followers of KANYE and the society of EVIL and plans.

Appearance
Steven Pinker looks just like you'd expect a 60-year old Caucasian male to, with light skin and a wrinkled face. He has a full head of curly grey hair, and prefers to wear a blue polo shirt coupled with a red tie at all times. When his parasite is the dominant thinker, his eyes are brown, as opposed to blue when he is in control. When his parasite has completely taken over though, and actively suppressing Pinker's own personality, his eyes appear red and he shakes violently while moving.

Personality
Pinker was a kind and docile, yet highly intelligent man before his possession, but the personality of the malicious parasite inhabiting his body has since affected his own. When Pinker himself is in full control of his body (requiring the extraction of the parasite to achieve), he is as he was before his possession, with all of his memories and personality changes since being lost. When the parasite is in complete control of his body, Pinker's advanced intelligence is suppressed, causing him to act purely on the instinct of the parasite and behave primitively. 90% of the time, though, they are both in control to some degree, with Pinker doing the thinking and the parasite doing the feeling. In this state, Pinker is a force to be reckoned with - he will draw on his intelligence to achieve the goals of the parasite.

Early life
Steven Arthur Pinker was born in Canada on the latest version of Earth to be sucked into the OU, approximately 30 years before that event actually happened. When it did, and it became clear that the planet had been transported to an alternate reality, many societies on Earth initially fell apart due to mass panic and the riots and looting that followed. Canada, however, remained strong and stable due to Pinker's calm and rational analysis of the new universe they found themselves in (as well as the alien races who wished to make contact with them), transmitted via public announcement systems. As Pinker's words spread across the world, the governments that they reached heard and acted on them, and their countries stabilized or were rebuilt as a result. Because of this, Pinker became a sort of messianic figure to the people of Earth, winning several Nobel peace prizes and being frequently credited as the saviour of mankind.

However, his reputation was not to last. One day, several years after this Earth's arrival in the OU, Pinker was chosen to represent Earth in a diplomatic meeting between the people of Earth and those of several other planets nearby. During a point in the meeting where the alien representatives talked among themselves, Pinker was attacked and possessed by a stealthy YOURMUM parasite. The brainwaves of the parasite took over Pinker's mind, causing him to shake violently and declare its love for ass. He then ripped his shirt off and attempted to engage the diplomats in a fist-fight, but was wrestled to the ground by Earthen security guards and dragged away. Despite Pinker's obvious change in behaviour and him losing the ability to answer most questions the jury asked him, Pinker was sentenced to life imprisonment on a recently-established offworld prison codenamed Supermax F███ B█████.

Post-Imprisonment
Pinker became surprisingly well-adjusted to prison life over the years, in part due to his parasite's aggressive personality and lust for ass. Although he initially despised his parasite, Pinker grew to appreciate it, especially when it made the decisions necessary to survive that he could not. Pinker rose to the top of the inmates' chain of command, and frequently demonstrated his power by beating ass with Mark Patterson and Hank Paulson, the two previous shitheads of the US Federal Reserve. After many years of this however, he and his parasite grew tired of prison life, so Pinker decided to write to an old associate of his, Harold, a scientist who worked at Black Mesa (and who would later go on to be detained in Supermax 282). Harold sent a Displacer Cannon to the prison in Pinker's name, and disguised it as one of Pinker's possessions that was confiscated upon arrival, but was later accidentally moved out of the prison. All Pinker had to do from there was wait for a breakout to occur, during which he would make his way to the storage room, grab the cannon and beam himself out of there.

Several decades later (and no breakout), Niflheim came across the prison on his journey to Saskana, and accidentally opened Pinker's cell by infusing its lock with hell's energies. Seeing the opportunity to escape that he had wished for for so long, Pinker whispered "ass" in his ear - a disturbing hint of things to come - and left his cell to go to the storage room. He changed from his jumpsuit into his signature blue polo shirt/red tie combo, grabbed the cannon and activated it. However, instead of finding himself back home on Earth, he instead found himself on some kind of bizarre Meme World.

Displacer Cannon
The Black Mesa XV11382 Displacer Cannon is a handheld device built by Harold and sent to Pinker to aid in his escape from Supermax F███ B█████. Powered by a Xen crystal, the Displacer Cannon can be used to create small and temporary interdimensional portals that can either be fired in front of or generated around the user. Its portals lead to Xen by default, but can theoretically be reprogrammed to create portals to any number of alternate universes.